Saturday, December 09, 2006

Add It Up

Words to memorize
Words hypnotize
Words make my mouth exercise

- Add It Up, Violent Femmes

Words mean things:

  • Rivalry - a competitive or antagonistic state or condition (from Mirriam-Webster)
  • Game - a competitive activity or sport in which players contend with each other according to a set of rules (from American Heritage)
  • Rivalry Game - a game which has heightened tension, usually due to geography, tradition, or competitive history (from Quipper)
No duh, Quipper. What's the point?

I'm getting to that. Chill, okay?

The Cleveland Browns attended a rivalry game against the Pittsburgh Steelers last Thursday night. I would prefer to say that they participated in the game, but that would only be true from the fact that they were on the field during the entire game. The effort wasn't there; the emotion, gone. The Steelers are the most hated football team in Browns Backers circles. Yes, even more hated than the Ravens. One problem: they forgot to show up again. That's a cardinal sin in the world of sports: you ALWAYS play your best against your rivals, no matter how bad of a team you are.

It also makes the fans decide to stop paying beau coup dollars to see their sports teams play.

Add it up:
  • The Browns were one Braylon Edwards touchdown away from being shut out in their second consecutive rivalry game.
  • Since returning to the NFL in 1999, the Browns have lost all but one game against the Steelers.
  • The overall series between the Browns and Steelers is now tied at 55-55.
  • Six of every season's sixteen games are rivalry games for the Browns, played against the Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, and the Iron City team.
  • The Browns are 0-5 this year in rivalry games, and have one game left against Baltimore. It's lookin' pretty ugly.
In press conferences on Friday, the team's head coach, Romeo Crennel, said he couldn't put his finger on what was wrong, and did not know how to correct it. The team's general manager, Phil Savage, publicly gave his coach the dreaded "vote of confidence" the previous week, then reiterated his support after the Steelers game. The lone bright spots were the play of backup quarterback Derrick Anderson and of wide receiver Joe Jurevicius. Otherwise, the Browns receivers dropped 6-8 passes, didn't make an attempt on another 4-6 close passes, and generally stunk up the joint.

So, why wait until Sunday to deliver the Idiot of the Week awards, when you already know who the winners are? Results were officially tabulated by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe.

Win - Phil Savage. It's time to blow up the ship.

Place - Romeo Crennel, for not having a clue.

Show - The Cleveland Browns receivers, for doing what they do best - dropping the ball.

Honorable Mention - Me. Who thought I'd be dumb enough to watch this ineptitude for this long?

Here's wishing Troy Smith, QB for The Ohio State Buckeyes, luck as he attends the Heisman Trophy award presentation tonight. Hopefully, he will be taking the award home.


Anonymous said...


I'm relieved you didn't use my picture for the "ugly" comment.

I don't know if you like Jim Rome or not. I find him amusing. Here's what he had to say on his radio show, taken from his website.

"You probably don’t know and almost assuredly didn’t see it, considering it was on the NFL Network, but the Pittsburgh Steelers punched the Cleveland Browns right in the face last night. And then to add insult to injury, Steeler linebacker Joey Porter piled on saying the Browns weren’t tough enough to even justify calling this a rivalry anymore.

Browns fan I know you’re furious, but you can’t be too furious, considering he’s 100% right. That beat down means the Steelers have done you 6 times in a row and 13 of the last 14 so there is no rivalry. But Porter saved his best for last, with this crack-back on Kellen Winslow saying, “He came up and tried to shake my hand before the game, but he doesn’t know me. You’re not my friend, why are you trying to talk to me? He talks too much and doesn’t do anything. He’s weak. He’s soft. He should move to wide receiver because he doesn’t want to block anybody, he doesn’t want to be a tight end.”

How did that taste, K-2? Tremendous crack-back, Joey, but what do you mean he doesn’t want to be a tight end?! Just the other day, he anointed himself the best tight end in all of football, so that’s just not true Joey. Winslow declined comment when asked about Porter. One of his better decisions. What was he going to say after a beat-down like that? I don’t know how to say this, Private, but you’ve been dismissed!

Quipper said...


I don't listen to Rome, even though he is played on one of the local stations.

Winslow does have a reputation already for being a subpar blocker, so Porter is right, again. Porter was right about everything he said, which is what makes it so infuriating.