Painful

At the end of halftime of the Browns game today, the TV announcers walked through a montage of Cleveland's "rich history", talking about the Brown's teams of the 50s and 60s, then touching on the teams of the 70s and 80s. My daughter asked why so much time was spent discussing the pre-70s teams. She asked, "Were they good then?" I told her that they were the best of the best.

She's a smart cookie. She then asked, "And now, they're just wimpy?"

Yes.

And, although my daughter's football intelligence is growing, it's not for some others, meaning it is time for some Idiot of the Week awards:

Win - Dennis "Hands" Northcutt. He tries to catch a pass at the line of scrimmage with his shoulders. Pity his shoulders don't have fingers made for grabbing the ball. Ball bounces off his shoulder pads, straight to a defender, who catches it and runs it in for a touchdown. "Hands" is gaining a reputation for this consistent level of idiocy.

Place - The Browns, due to penalties. I only saw the second half. In that half, a holding call nullified a good rushing gain by Frye, after which the play calling became, well, predictable. On defense, a defensive holding call thwarted a "three and out" stop, which Carolina ended up converting into their last field goal. Messy.

Show - the Browns/Panthers announcers. At one point, they started a statement by saying "when teams are this evenly matched...". I'm sorry, they were not. Carolina's offense gave a poor showing. The announcers were being gracious to the Browns fans, but it was a lie.


Honorable Mention - the Carthon/Frye tag team. Is Carthon that bad, or does Frye make Carthon limit the game plan? I'm thinking it's the former, as Carthon was just as bad last year with "capable" quarterbacks, and give the same excuses. Anyway, if you know Frye is still learning how to make smart decisions against NFL defenses, why constantly put him in the position of having only one chance to win, and more likely, set him up to fail? Dumb.


Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's back to Florida I go....

Here's Smoke In Your Eye

Facts is facts:

Facts about me
Fact 1: I am an asthmatic and do not smoke. Never have, never will. I use two inhalers daily to control my asthma.
Fact 2: I am allergic to cigarette smoke.
Fact 3: I play in a band -> bands play in bars -> bars in Cleveland allow smoking
Fact 4: It is MY CHOICE to avail myself to cigarette smoke.

Facts about smoking
Fact 5: Nicotine is not an illegal drug
Fact 6: You are allowed to possess and carry nicotine
Fact 7: Distribution of nicotine in any form is not a crime

There are two issues on the Ohio November ballot regarding smoking. I received an anti-smoking group's "Vote Yes/No" promotion in the mail yesterday. I knew nothing about these issues, and need to review them. For the most part, if I believe the anti-smoking propaganda: we are all going to die from second hand smoke; children will grow up with two heads and fourteen toes; and everyone will leave the state if we don't go smokeless (oops, that's happening already, duh).

I am fed up with this cr...er, stuff. If our elected officials would govern instead of politic, two things would have happened already:

1. FDA declares nicotine illegal, and it's a banned substance. No more issue.
2. Governments, as they always do, find another way to tax us that doesn't rely on cigarette consumption.

Really, how much money has been wasted in campaigns, how much time wasted, how much political capital expended for what should be a "once and done" issue?

Stupid politicians. Wimpiness rules. We lose.

Winner Take All

Warning: political rant.

Shouldn't the leaders of your political party of choice want all of their candidates to win? Logically, one would think the answer is "Yes, we want to win it all, every time." Here in the great state of Ohio, where I live in Broward County, Midwest edition, the answer is "no".

The great thing about this is that neither political party is really going hog wild over its candidate for governor. So, we are talking about a battleground state, having a miserable economy and people leaving in droves, with increasing taxes and a poor method for raising skoul funds (don't even get me started on the topics of tax levys and school funding - leave it for another post), this is the perfect location for either political party to take a fervent stand for their candidate.

It turns out both parties believe their candidate is not truly representative of who they want to support. One is too conservative (and black - I thought the Republican party was trying to "reach out"?), the other is too inconsistent (he is pro-gun as a liberal Democrat). But, one of them will win.

Welcome to the great state of Ohio.

Yahtzee

The Quipper family decided to play a game before bedtime tonight. So, Quipper, Mrs. Quipper, the Artist (9-yo) and the Engineer (4.5-yo) decided to play Yahtzee.

The highlight was not the Engineer getting two yahtzees and a high score of 323. No, the highlight came when Mrs. Quipper had to decide what to do with one of her rolls. The Engineer, in his infinite wisdom, said the following:

"Uh oh! Mommy has to think!"

We all got a good laugh out of it.

Tools of the Trade

What should be in every Project Manager's toolkit? In other words, what should I say when:

• The sponsoring manager wants a 1,500 hour project completed in three months by two people?
• The user asks if they can have all the screens reorganized, and still get the project done in the next week?
• The project team asks if they can get an extension on the project, when their self-inflicted wounds have already caused it to be delivered late?
• And...not to leave myself out...when the Project Manager asks if there are any ways to shorten the timeline without affecting quality?
  

This:





Cheers! (Hat tip to Mr. Schreiber, who showed me the video on Saturday at his son's birthday party.)

CLC Radio, Trinity, Week 16

Bible Class.

Worship Service.

Next Sunday will be our last Sunday in Hebrews. Following Sunday will start study on Revelation.

Sports Stuff

Local sportscaster Casey Coleman says something along the lines of "sports are the toy store of life". I cannot find the exact quote, but want to give him credit for it since I've only heard him say it. His dad, Ken Coleman, used to call the BoSox games.

In honor of Casey, let's take a walk through the toy store tonight.


My sentimental baseball pick

Sorry, Scottius, it's not the Cardinals, although I would like to see them do well. LaRussa either has to prove that genius title that everyone wants to give him, or move on. Ya may have backed into the playoffs, but at least you got in.

Shouldn't I root for someone from the American League Central? Naah, not really. I got what I wanted - Detroit did not win the division, and Chicago missed the playoffs. I'll root for the Twins to win the ALCS, but not to win the World Series.

I'll go with the Mets, even though I hate all New York sports teams. Why root for the Mets then? Because of this old guy named Julio Franco. I grew up as a young teenager wanting to hit and play shortstop like Julio did for the Indians. Now, at 48 years old, he is making the playoffs as a Met, who I believe have the best chance of winning the NLCS. I gotta root for one of my old sports heroes. He is now the oldest player ever to hit a home run and steal a base. Considering all the athletes at the AAA and AA levels that are doing their best to earn a spot in the majors, it really says something about Julio's abilities and health that he is still active and contributing at the major league level. Go Julio!


Hang On Sloopy! O-H-I-O

Yep, the Buckeyes did it again. They are still not firing on all cylinders, and easily managed a victory against the Iowa Hawkeyes, who have a good team. They've now beaten two top 25 teams on the road, on Saturday nights, in front of national television audiences. Go Bucks! (Sorry, Des Moines Girl. No offense.)


Indian Fever (Be a Believer) With the Cleveland Indians

If the Tribe can fill the bullpen, shortstop, and catcher voids, they can contend next year. Big "ifs", all three:

• The shortstop, simply called "that guy", celebrated his big off-season contract signing by getting fat and satisfied. No gumption, no energy, no contribution. Several veteran teammates called him out on it, almost by name. Not good.
  

• The catcher, a "hitting machine", is reaching A-Rod levels of meaningless offensive stats. I can't recall reading about him having one game-winning hit. He should drop a spot or two in the lineup so the hungry, more productive kids (read: Ryan Garko) can step into the power positions. The "hitting machine's" batting average means he will protect whomever he bats after, but his punch isn't strong enough for batting clean-up any more. And don't ask me about his ability to throw out runners (under 15%, I believe), or to call a game (pitchers' ERAs are one point higher than when our backup catchers catch.)
  

• The bullpen...what can I say? A good demolition would do it some good. Keep Mastny, see if Davis can stick, and possibly Betancourt. After that, start over.

Kudos to Grady and Pronk for their monster years. Both would be receiving MVP consideration if it weren't for the three voids mentioned above. Go Tribe!


Send in the Clow...Browns

They did it! How about that! And they forgot to play the first half of the game again. I'm happy they pulled out this one, because they had the opportunity to go o-fer nine based on the schedule. At least they should only go 1-8. :-o Go Browns!

I guess it takes a really inept Raiders team to lose to the almost equally inept Browns. When Leigh Bodden, our shut-down cornerback, left the game, I thought we were toast. Obviously, I forgot that most of the team chooses not to show up for the first half. On that thought...


Idiot Of The Week Awards

Win - the NFL schedulers that allowed the Browns/Raiders game to occur. It was sad. It was pathetic. It was...scheduled six months ago. Okay, I cannot blame the schedulers, so I'll give it to the Browns coaching staff instead. I've never seen a team so unprepared to start a football game.

Place - Charlie Frye. His 4th quarter interception should have cost the Browns the game, but the Raiders offense is so bad, it didn't make a difference. How bad was their offense?...

Show - Randy Moss. A truly pathetic effort by a truly pathetic "superstar". My 4 1/2 year old son put more effort into watching the game than Randy did playing in it. And my son didn't get paid to run around, being fake tackled. But he is more entertaining.


Honorable Mention - the Big Ten officiating crew at the OSU/Iowa game. They called a pass interference penalty that didn't even happen (should have been an unsportsmanlike conduct call, if anything), reversed a completion call that all three announcers agreed was a catch after watching replays, and missed a pass interference call occurring in front of two officials? Point differential: 7-10 points, in my opinion. Game shouldn't have been so close.


Back to the regularly scheduled political rants later this week.

Apples to Apples

I guess I've had a lot to say this week. That happens once in a while. :-)

No, this is not a comparison between the Browns and Raiders. Although it is in preparation for one of those teams first wins (hopefully, Cleveland's), so I need to post, at last, the long awaited answer to the last test.

The class was small - thanks Kayla - but scored well.

The question: what's wrong with this picture?

The answer: representation. If the media wants to compare Muslims to Christians, use the same class of each. Extreme vs. extreme, moderate (i.e. non-practicing) vs. moderate, even liberal vs. liberal. Or, in religous terms, orthodox vs. orthodox. NOT orthodox vs. unorthodox (oops, I mean heterodox). And don't pit fundamental Christians against moderate Muslims. The outcome is predictable.

When this debate does occur it should be framed around the core principles of each religion. Isn't that what you would do if you were comparing Buddhism and Hinduism, or even athiesm and Christianity? Why forsake good debate in order to make one party look good, and the other party look bad. Let the parties define themselves by defending their core principles.

Kayla, you get an A+ and extra credit for the Hendi observation. Hendi's "first coming", per se, hasn't occurred yet, while Christians are awaiting the second coming.

BTW...throwing in Ran Dather was a ruse, a mere afterthought to the point of the question. I wanted to poke a little fun at my favorite anchor. (Wow, what a perfectly descriptive word for him.)

To see the first test, see here and here.


Shameless plug - Running in Circles plays at the Mayfield Boneyard tomorrow night (Friday, Sept 29). We will start at 10:30pm. See you there.

Me-first Politicians (sorry, I repeat myself)

You know what really tweaks me about politics? Politics. That's what tweaks me.

Before you declare me intellectually incompetent, let's review:

- Politicians "lobby" for your vote. Believe it or not, not only PAC's lobby; politicians do, too. It's called "campaigning". Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot about the non-PAC groups, which "advocate". It's still lobbying.

- You vote. At least, I hope you do. You either pick the candidate you like, or pick the candidate you least dislike. The definition of "like" is subjective, usually a matter of personal values and taste.

- The candidate receiving the greatest number of votes is declared the winner.

- The winner is inaugurated.

- Then, the trump card. The winner governs - makes tough decisions, does what's right even though it's not popular. Protects the freedoms and liberties defined by the Constitution. Defends the country.

Gasp! Who let the air out of the room?

Okay, so I'm wrong on the last one. I should have written, "The winner continually puts himself in a position to effectively win the next election, governing be damned."

That is what I hate about politics.

Candidates are elected to govern, not to politic.

Politicians no longer do what's best for the nation, but what's best for their re-election campaign. Polls tell candidates how to increase their popularity with their base and with undeclared moderates. There is very little thought to doing what's best for the country at the time it's needed. Anything can be whittled down to a sound bite that can hurt you when you are up for re-election, so it's better to do nothing at all, or criticize the other party for their position.

Grumble.

Midwest Broward, part II, or..."Click"

If you haven't read part I, see here.

Dialogue with friendly Board of Elections crank:

Q: Hello, my name is "Fred". I am calling because I registered for an absentee ballot, but got rejected because I am not a registered voter. However, I've voted for the past nine years in the same precinct.

BOE crank: What's your address?

Q: It is 12000 Smith Street. But I think I know where the problem is....

BOE crank: If you're gonna give me problems, sir, I will redirect your call. I am not going to put up with an attitude this morning.

Hmmm...no attitude, no anger, just wanting to offer a theory, based on the fact my mailing address had one too many zeros in it . Some people wake up on the wrong side of the bed, no matter which side.

BOE crank continues: Why were you calling?

Q: My registration for an absentee ballot was rejected, like I said before.

Click. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Yep. Click. As in, "sayanora, sucker!".

Don't worry, I got her back. My cell phone lost its connection the next three times I tried talking with her again. LOL!

The lady did eventually resolve my problem, and managed to give me a lecture on what good customer service is and how she provided it to me. I could even learn a lesson from her, she said. I guess that means that, next time someone asks for my help, I'll hang up on them.

Doh!

CLC Radio, Trinity, Week 15

Only the readings & sermon today. Technical difficulties - no equipment available to record the bible study. :-)

Head's up - after we are finished studying Hebrews (next 1-2 weeks), Revelation is next. Stay tuned.

Disappointment

Hey, the Cleveland Browns looked like a football team today. Their key players - Charlie Frye, Kellen Winslow, Jr., and Braylon Edwards - all made good plays. Charlie threw an interception with about 2 minutes left in the game, and the defense allowed Baltimore to drive for the winning field goal, a 52-yard shot by Matt Stover.

It looks like there is hope, but I'm still gonna give out idiot of the week awards.

• Win - Maurice Carthon. Quipper...3 weeks in a row? Yep. The Browns didn't have an answer any of the adjustments that Baltimore made in halftime. Yet, the Ravens offense made all the adjustments I believe we should have made. (BTW...our two touchdowns were caused by Frye's scrambling ability, not necessarily because the calls were good ones.)
• Place - the Browns defense. Quipper, they only gave up 15 points? Yes, but when it counted, they couldn't stop the Ravens from driving. Points scored in first three quarters - 3. Scored in fourth quarter - 12.
• Show - the OSU defense. Yes, the OSU defense. Granted OSU won, but the defense slept for two series. Had Penn State been any better at finishing their drives, the outcome probably would have been different.

Kudos to the Browns in general for not backing down against the Ravens. The offense showed glimmers of hope against a blitz-happy team, and Frye is looking like one tough character. Now, if Maurice would only buy that Play Calling For Dummies book.

Evil vs. Evil

WARNING! The event you are about to observe is only a test.

Yes, Quipper is posting another test, in the form of a "debate".

The mediator is none other than the middle-of-the-road, fair reporter himself...Ran Dather. Ran has quite a portfolio of, ahem, journalistic experience. He has manipulated - er, facilitated - debates in the past, and is quite skilled at maintaining an unbiased view of hot-button topics such as document forging and drug use.


Representing party #1: Halleleuja! Robertson. A man who tells it like it is, because God tells him what to say. And, when Mr. Halleleuja! gets a message from God, he can't be wrong. (Loose-jaw Falwell was unavailable for the debate, and sent his regrets.) H!R. has a longstanding case of foot-in-mouth disease, and has the delusional impression that he represents all Christians. After all, he has a successful television empire, doesn't he? God would never let him have that if he wasn't the best steward of the flock.


Representing party #2: Imam Yahya Hendi, Georgetown University chaplain. A man who represents all that is good, kind and loving about the Muslim religion. Mr. Blather and his associates at BS News attempted to find a suitable photo for this debate, but could not find one. Imam Hendi, and hundreds of other Imams from newly-built mosques all across the United States, were falling all over each other in an attempt to participate in this debate. Being a well-educated man working for Georgetown, a university of academic excellence based in Washington, D.C., no one better could have been selected to represent peace loving Muslims in the United States.


The topic of the debate? It doesn't matter.

The question: what's wrong with this picture?

Answer coming before the Browns win a football game. (Now, watch, they'll win tomorrow. In that case, then answer coming before the Browns win two football games.)

Disenfranchised, or "Broward County, Midwest"

Hey, I liked traveling to Florida so much, I "chose" to plan two more trips. Okay, so it's now my job responsibility. I just wanted to make it sound like I really had an option. :-)

One of my next trips will be during the November election. I'm so excited not to use the electronic voting machines in Midwest Broward, er, Cuyahoga County. Am I anti-technology? Let's review the facts: I blog. I use e-mail. I work in I.T. I shop online. The answer is NO!!!, I am not anti-technology.

I am, however, anti-stupidity. It has been reported that the Chairman of the Board of Blunders (er, Elections) in Midwest Broward refused the week-plus of training on the Diebold machines, and instead whittled it down to a day or so of 'train the trainer' training. Of which, not all the trainers attended. Cost cutting measure, you see.

In case you missed it on the news, the 2006 primary election in Midwest Broward was a fiasco. We were (or should have been) the laughingstock of that election day. I think this technology could be great. But, there is no accountability trail, no solid backup mechanism, and apes running the thing (Sorry, Scottius.)

I think you should have to pass a basic literacy test before you are allowed to vote. Too easy for "helping hands" to prompt you where to cast your vote on these machines. And if you cannot prove you are a U.S. citizen who is not a felon, and that you can pass the literacy test, you should not be allowed to vote. Sorry, this isn't about fairness, it's about our responsibility as citizens to be accountable.


Which brings me to my point. I have lived at my current residence for eight years. I have voted in all but one election, I believe. I am always the first or second from my precinct to sign in and vote. (Mr. 2-doors-down and I are usually 1 and 2 in our precinct.) I recognize the volunteers who help with my precinct, even though I don't know them by name.

Since I will not see them for this coming election, and I would like to see the electronic voting process mature (I mean, get corrected) before I trust my valuable vote in the hands of the Midwest Broward ape boxes, I registered for an absentee ballot. I mailed in my registration, and received this response:


Okay, so that's not really what it said, but it might as well have. What I actually received was a note that said I was not registered to vote, and that I needed to register before I could request an absentee ballot. Huh?

Thank heavens that our zany postal workers are smarter than the Board of Blunders employees. I reviewed the mailing address on the envelope. Yep, one too many zeros on the address, yet they got the mail to the right residence. Darn, did I fill in the absentee ballot registration correctly? Yes. I know this because they sent a copy of the registration with their "we are stupid" note. Then wazzup?

I checked online to see whether I am registered, and I am. Cool, I get to use the Board of Blunders own website against them to prove that I am already registered. Then, I will resend them the original absentee ballot registration, and pray that they process it correcly so I can receive my ballot. Good thing we're over a month away from the election.




Midwest Broward. Mark my words.

I'm Cool!

At least, that's what this test said.

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK] You are Cool! You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person. Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Okay, now for the context: Mrs. Quipper and I were ready to go to the shooting range, and she wasn't quite ready to leave yet. So, I went to check some blogs, but didn't take off my sunglasses. I ended up traipsing through several of these goofy web quizzes, and stumbled upon the "cool" test.

I don't think anyone would consider me "cool". A goofball, yes. Cool, no.

Cover up, please!

It's good to be home again, eating home made food, and being with Mrs. Quipper and the kids. The travel was okay, but I started to loathe eating; I had to force myself to eat dinner last night, and went without one meal two other days this week.

Those of you that have seen me around a pot luck are probably shocked to hear that I got sick of food. :-)

Anyhoo...I got to the airport today around lunch time - there I go, using food as a time reference - and what do I see? Denim mini-skirts. Tight t-shirts and tank tops. Low neck lines. Lots of over-tanned skin revealed. Low-rider jeans, and shirts that don't meet the waistline.

But, these weren't teenie-boppers and college kids dressing in the latest bimbo clothes. These were ladies in their late 30s to low 50s. Ladies trying to be their teenage daughter's best friends. Or worse, just plain denying their age (and maturity).

Ladies, and I use the term "loosely", let me make this plain and simple. You are not in high school any more. You are not in college. And you - being in Florida - may be looking for spouse number "x", trying to look attractive. Cover up, please. You're making me gag.

Misreading the Signs

This blog was prepared especially for you, by little green men from the planet CLKXHEEJ.


Yeah, so maybe it was a little late when I left work last night. The cleaning crew had already left my area, and was two sections past me. But now, it was time to call it a day, get dinner, and sleep in a hotel room with non-working internet service. (Geez, I couldn't even finish the work I wanted to do before the next
morning!)

I know my way around the building fairly well. I always take the stairs when I go to meetings; there are only two floors, after all. The building is easy to navigate, and it is good to get some level of "exercise" instead of sitting on my keister ALL day. I have no need to use the elevator.

Except for last night.

Both sets of stairs had just been mopped, and were still wet. Choosing life, I hit the button for the elevator. No big deal, except for the sign I saw - or thought I saw - after I pressed the button. Upon second viewing, the sign did say what I saw, just not the way I saw it...

"Do Not Use Elevator When Flashing"

What can I say?


Not The First Time

I did the same thing on one other occasion. I used to have a job with mass leniency on flex time. I lived ten minutes away from work, and worked a 6:30am-3:30pm shift. So, one morning, I wasn't as awake as I thought I was. One building that I drove past had two tenants: the first, a dentist; the second, a shop for something artsy. When my eyes scanned the building signage, I read "Creative Dentistry".

I tried to make sense of it all, but couldn't. :-)


And Finally

I think it's really sad that certain traffic signs discriminate against slow children, even if they are playing. What about the fast ones? Is it okay to hurt THEM? :-o



Have you had any similar situations or thoughts?



And, off topic: does anyone know the words to the second verse of Hang On Sloopy? The one that starts "Sloopy wears a red dress, yeah"? I cannot decipher the words in the second part of that couplet. Thanks in advance for your help, even if you despise the song.

Update: we have the long lost Sloopy lyrics.

Sloopy wears a red dress, yeah
As old as the hills.
But when Sloopy wears that red dress, yeah
You know it gives me the chills.
Sloopy, when I see you walkin',
walkin' down the street
I say, don't worry Sloopy girl
You belong to me.

Thanks to Emily and Marie for the help.

Cleveland Not-so-confidential

It's Sunday evening, and I'm reading and writing blogs. What a country! So, wazzup on the Quipper menu?

1. Band practice - we had our first practice in, um, let's just say weeks. The smaller gigs have been the practices for the larger gigs. Anyway, we decided that our covers of Cleveland Rocks, 99 Red Balloons, Hang On Sloopy, and Somebody Told Me will be on the next gig's set list. And, get this, the band is excited about perfecting Let's Get It Started, too, but that will come after another practice or two. I get to "sing" all the rap parts. I guess that makes me "vanilla chocolate".

2. Mrs. Quipper cooked a fantabulous turkey today. Oh, sorry, it wasn't a turkey. It was an 8 lb. chicken that we bought from the friendly folks at the Favorite Apron homestead. Best chicken I've ever had. Thanks, Polly, for the marvelous bird, and Mrs. Quipper for the great meal!

3. I recently posted a blog named "Idiot Season", "idiot" being my term of endearment for the goofballs on the pro and college football teams I follow. Thankfully, there were no idiots on the OSU Buckeyes.

Unfortunately, there is a semi-pro team in Cleveland. Yeah, they play in the NFL, but you could find them guilty of impersonating a pro team right now. Scottius Maximus commented last week about an "idiot of the week". So, since Scottius planted the seed, here are this week's idiots:

Win - Maurice Carthon, highly "offensive" coordinator for the Browns - for a second week in a row, he proves he doesn't know what he is doing. Here's your gift certificate to Borders, Maurice. Maybe you can pick up a copy of "Offensive Play Calling for Dummies". There should be a couple used copies available.

Place - Romeo Crennel - if you had to call out your team for lack of passion, enthusiasm, intensity, etc., last week, then they didn't hear you all that well.

Show - Marvin Lewis, head coach of the Cincinnati Bengals. He kept Chad Johnson in at the end of the game and he got walloped - WALLOPED! - by a Browns saftey. Not smart when your team is already down three offensive starters.

4. I've added some new videos to the Quipper Entertainment site. If you haven't stopped by lately, you've missed flashbacks to the trippin' 70s, hair-band 80s, and rockin' 90s, and a new set of personal, just-for-you-from-me lyrics.

5. I leave for Florida again on Tuesday, as long as tropical storm Helene stays where it is or projects northward. Yikes!

CLC Radio, Trinity, Week 14

Bible study and Divine Service.

We are also looking at the opportunity to expand our programming. If you are confessional Lutheran, and have any ideas, please let Mr. Schreiber or me know. Thanks.

Queen, and the Ft. Lauderdale Int'l. Airport

In a rousing corporate rendition of "Who's On First", I was asked to travel to Florida to learn "everything our Senior VP of Financial Reporting" does - on his own - to either a) provide inputs to the financial month-end closing process, or b) help prepare monthly, quarterly, and annual financial statements. On day 2, I learn - as does the whole company - that the Senior VP of Accounting is also leaving.

Wait, hold the fort! After further review, we have a reversal. Mr. Senior VP of Financial Reporting decides to stay. I imagine the CFO was singing "Oh, won't you sta-a-ay, just a little bit longer". The combination of his cool voice, the increase in $$$, and increase in responsibility all helped sway his decision.

So, my reason for traveling to Florida has changed, right? Nope, not one iota. The person who decided to stay still cannot run all the reports he used to run. Someone in IT needs to get those programs into the proper hands, pronto! So, my responsibility hasn't changed, and we will commence to continue what started LAST AUGUST, and finish the job soon (I hope).

Oh, the title of the post? Yeah, I almost forgot about it. Here it goes:

Continental Airlines has great direct flights between Cleveland and Ft. Lauderdale, but the return flight to Cleveland departs at 1:00pm. I wanted to leave later - you know, get as much time with the Finance pawns (er, maybe Rooks and Bishops) as possible before leaving Dodge. So, instead of booking the return flight back with Continental, I go with US Scare. My flight is scheduled to leave at 18:55.

Cue weather...

Something about being in Florida, I guess, makes the air traffic controllers break into song - "Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening", when the weather goes south (er, deep south). We waited IN the plane, AT the terminal, for 90 minutes. Lightning, bad...veeeeeerrrrrrry baaaaaaaad.

Suffice to say, I learned how not to coddle your kids in an airplane. The one kid on the flight, probably 3 yrs old, was constantly begged by her parents to be nice and quiet down. They gave her toys, distractions, etc., but NEVER DISCIPLINED HER. Ugh!!! It was a distraction during the delay, though.

So anyway, back to our regularly scheduled folly. This happens each time I've had a flight scheduled to leave Ft. Lauderdale in late afternoon or early evening. It always seems to rain, and the airport freaks out. (Golly, good thing they don't see snow.)

When we arrive in Charlotte - US Scare doesn't do direct flights to Cleveland - the Cleveland contingency on our flight are told that "if you run, you can catch your flight. It's not leaving for 10 minutes." We pull our best, pre-murder OJ and run through the airport, running somewhere between a quarter and third of a mile with laptop cases, etc. Guess what? Flight "just left two minutes ago". That would mean it left five minutes early. And, it's the last flight of the night. Turns out, the same thing happened to folks trying to return to the Philly area and Columbus, OH, too. Sounds like US Scare has a recurring theme.

Oh well, I got to stay in a lovely Fairfield Inn, courtesy of...me. Yep, since the problem was not an airline problem, US Scare wouldn't pay for lodging. Thankfully, the company allows me to expense it. My flight left this morning, promptly at 8:20 as expected, and I got home in time to crash on my own bed and wake up for lunch.

Thankfully, I scheduled next week's round trip with Continental, all nonstop flights. Start spreading the news, I'm leaving Tuesday....

CLC Radio, Trinity, Week 13

Bible study

Readings and sermon

Just click 'play'.

Every Man A Minister?

Let's project this concept to other vocations. Every man a(n):

• Singer - Have you seen the American Idol auditions?
• Musician - Seen anyone who can play by sight, but not by ear. Or know theory, but can't improvise? Or are just plain tone deaf or have no rhythm?
• Accountant - Know anyone who you never want to touch a checkbook?
• Athlete - Many AAA baseball players won't make it to the Major Leagues, and they are much, much more talented than I am. How many people can golf like Tiger, or play tennis like Agassi (in his prime) or Federer?
  
• Gardener - Best way to kill a plant? Have me take care of it.
• Mechanic - My best friend is the service station down the street. Mrs. Quipper is very happy about that.
• Handyman - I'm handy with the yellow pages, phone and checkbook. That's good enough around here.
• Project Manager - Do you know people that forget to take their brain when they walk out the door for work? "Planning" means being excited that you will remember to eat at lunch time?
  
• Spouse - I think divorce stats, and failures on second and third marriages, tell us all we need to know here.
• Politician - Sorry, I'm not that spineless.
• Child bearer - Nope, I don't think so!
  

See the point? God gave us talents and sweet skills (a little Napolean Dynamite lingo there). He didn't give everyone the same skills - spiritual or physical. To paraphrase some of 1Cor:12, I am grateful we are all not "eyes" or "feet" or "hands". I am grateful that the farmer tills his soil and raises his crops, that those crops are purchased, prepared, and delivered to the stores, where Mrs. Quipper can purchase them with funds allotted from my paycheck because people are responsible and law-abiding enough to buy car insurance, and the payroll and HR personnel make sure those funds get to my check.

I am a much more capable witness when I work within my areas of expertise, answer questions about my faith, and direct folks to my called and ordained Pastors instead of trying to be the minister.

That's The Way You Do It

Yeah, baby! The little boys of summer are making the Tribe look halfway decent again. Now, if they could only play every month as though it were August or September.

Sowers is looking good (as I hoped he would), and it looks like Marte and Garko are starting to settle in. Who knows, maybe the Tribe can be looking at pocket Aces (Sabathia and Sowers) next year.

I know, it's too early for that type of thinking. :-)

CLC Radio, Trinity, Week 12

Our production qualities have increased greatly, and more improvements are forthcoming.

Here are the readings, a hymn, and the sermon for Trinity, Week 12. (Click 'Play' after linking)

Idiot Season

It is that time of the year again. The guys come out to do their thing, and hopefully do it well. The Artist and I spend daddy/daughter time by going into the den, turning on the tube, and watching the guys do their thing. Then it happens:

Dropped pass...tackling at the shoulders...missed block...interception...missed block...offsides penalty...missed block...fail to convert on 3rd and 1...give up a first on 3rd and 17...missed tackle

Being the mild, sensible father that I am, I exhibit sound judgment by governing what starts in my vocal cords, works past my tongue and teeth, and comes out of my mouth. Of all the sundry words I could use, they all get translated into the same word: IDIOT!!! (Mrs. Quipper and Mom Of Quipper have a friendly bet about how many times I will use that word on "any given Sunday".)

The volume changes regularly. The more exasperated I get, the louder it gets. The more subtle the guffaw, the quieter the exclamation. I think the Artist learns more about the game when I get frustrated than when she actually asks about what is happening. It's pretty funny.

Anyway, hope springs eternal on Saturdays and Sundays. Here's to Romeo, hoping he can coach the Brownies to an over-.500 season and a potential trip to the playoffs. And to Tressell, hoping the Buckeyes can maintain their lofty ranking and work their way to a BCS championship.

Go Teams!

The Morning After

It's now 12:05pm on Saturday. We had a great gig last night, playing at one of the establishments in Cleveland's "Warehouse District", which is the you-have-to-be-there spot for anyone who cares about that type of thing. The almost-gridlock traffic in the early morning attests to this, I guess.

I got home late. Okay, so what is "late" when I'm usually getting home from a gig a little before 3:00am? How about 4:00am, due to equipment taking longer than normal to take down, and our drummer getting a flat tire, and needing my jack for assistance. (We couldn't get his jack out of his car, which is a Honda Element. Guess he needs to talk to the dealer about that.)

So, having been awake for a mere 90 minutes, ears still ringing, eyes still glassy, body awake but mind sleeping, I navigated through some blogs, courtesy of Mrs. Quipper. What I found were two great posts from Eating Words. While my ears are still ringing and my eyes are still somewhat glassy - why am I looking at a computer monitor, you say? - I am now mentally awake.

Tag - I'm It!

Indiana Jane got me. On a book meme, of all things. Now when was the last time I read anything of any relevance? Hmmm, this ought to be interesting.

1. One book that changed my life:
Everyday Will I Bless Thee, Meditations for the Daily Office by Burnell F. Eckardt, Jr. (I couldn't link directly to the book. Click the link and then open the catalog, and look for "Eckardt" in the Adobe Acrobat search function - hint: click the binoculars.)

Aaaah, finally, a devotional that fed me law and gospel, and didn't try to a) make me feel good about myself or b) confound me with convoluted, existential rationale. I had trouble with it at first, after previously using Portals of Prayer (a Lutheran devotional), Daily Bread (a Reformed devotional) and My Utmost For His Highest (this one was tough to swallow). But I couldn't turn back after making it through the season of Advent.

Talk about marvelous exposition of scripture! I received a fresh, relevant sermon text every morning.

2. One book you read more than once:
Nope, can't leave it at one.
#1 - see my answer to #1
#2 - Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis Good in 15-minute increments, otherwise it was overwhelming to me. Excellent, though, if you need to start with a secular understanding of religion as you try to explain your Christianity to someone.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island:
Excluding the requisites, The Bible and Luther's Small Catechism (the older the version, the better), let's try anything by Bill Watterson for $1,000, Alex. (Watterson is the creator of Calvin and Hobbes.)

4. One book that made you laugh:
Candide, by Voltaire

5. One book that made you cry:
Um, the unwritten book about the failure of Cleveland sports teams to win any championships since the 1960s (indoor soccer teams excluded).

A book has never made me cry.

6. One book you wish had been written:
Christianity for Dummies - man, when you care about your doctrine, and have to unlearn all the wrong that you ingested previously, and want it - FAST...oh, I found it; it's called Luther's Small Catechism. ;-)

7. One book you wish had never been written:
Nope, gotta go with two again:
#1 - The Koran
#2 - The Purpose Driven Life

What's the difference if the goal is how I have to please God? I am a sinner, and even my works are as filthy rags. And when I do good, and I have pride in myself for doing it, I sin again (duh!). 'Nuff said.

8. One book you're currently reading:
Best Practices in Project Management, by Harold Kerzner

A good cure for insomnia, but important for my development as a project manager.

9. One book you've been meaning to read:
Paradise Lost, by John Milton (in book form, not online form)

10. Scariest book you've ever read:
N/A

Added...best series you've ever read:
Incarnations of Immortality, by Piers Anthony

Tag...you're it:

Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury, John Bonham, Bon Scott, Buddy Holly, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Randy Rhoades

On the Cutting Edge

...of nothing, actually. Another blog for your reading enjoyment, separate but equal to the fun, frivolity and fury of this one.

This-n-That

***Update, 8/28 ***
Thanks to - or no thanks to - TS Ernesto, I am not going to Florida this week. We did, however, finish testing our distaster recovery procedures on our financial systems today. Nothing like waiting until the 11th hour, but we got it done.


Song selection: thanks for all your help on the tunes. I've gotten some good ideas, and the band settled on a couple songs while I received your input. We added (or chose to finish learning):

• Hang on Sloopy (it's an Ohio State thing)
• Is She Really Going Out With Him - Sugar Ray version
• Somebody Told Me - The Killers
• Black Horse and a Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
• Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas
• Cleveland Rocks - Presidents of the United States version (a.k.a. Drew Carey version)

Man At Work: I've become a hurricane watcher again. Tropical Storm Ernesto may wreak havoc with my plans to go to company headquarters this Tuesday thru Friday. Headquarters are outside of Ft. Lauderdale, so I will be watching this one closely. (So will Mrs. Quipper.)

And if I do go, I'll get home just in time for the next Running In Circles gig at the Tequila Ranch, in Cleveland on Friday night. (p.s. check out the site, and drop us some comments in the guestbook on the new look.)


She Said, He Heard: the Quipper family went to a restaurant for Lupper (lunch/supper) today, and the kids each got a chocolate chip cookie with their meal. Dialog between Mrs. Quipper and the Engineer:

- Mrs. Quipper: would you like to give some of your cookie to daddy?
- Engineer hears: give up some of your chocolate, or else!
- Engineer responds: NO THANK YOU!

Needless to say, the Artist couldn't finish her cookie, and I got the rest of it. :-)

My "rock profile": borrowed from Mrs. Quipper, who borrowed it from Scottius Maximus. Whodathunkit.

Your Taste in Music:

80's Rock: Highest Influence Hair Bands: Highest Influence Alternative Rock: High Influence 80's Alternative: Medium Influence 80's Pop: Medium Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

It would have been nice to see more variety in the selections, though. I didn't like 90s music in the 90s, and still don't rate it that high on my list. But, with the options I had, this was how I rated.

I probably will not be posting again until I wake up after the Tequila Ranch gig. I hope to comment on other blogs as time and company permit.

Lost - please help!

Thirty-something male and his five friends are looking for a lost treasure. They have looked near and far, high and low, but to no avail.

The treasure: good, clean, danceable commercial rock and roll of the current variety.

As the band tries to find newer songs to play, we are facing a dilemma: hip hop, or postmodern rock? Hip hop does not really fit our talents. Postmodern rock is not really dance floor material, and its lyrics exceed my vulgarity threshold.

We excel at finding songs 15+ years old (Go Gos, Romantics, Ramones, Wild Cherry), and are relatively successful finding songs 8-15 years old (early No Doubt, Blink 182, Sheryl Crow) . Songs by bands like Franz Ferdinand are remembered by the younger crowd, but aren't danceable. Conversely, we are not geared toward sampling and scratching, so radio-playable songs by Outkast and Rihanna don't fit for us.

If you know of any songs that are a little newer, and would fit a lily-white, suburban rock & roll band that attracts the same types at their shows, please pass them along. Or, if you don't, ask your teenage and college-aged kids or your baby-sitters. (The qualification was necessary: I could see suggestions for songs from the big, purple one, the Wiggles, Bear in the Big Blue House, and Veggie Tales.)

Thanks.

New Links

Please welcome My Utopia and Jonathan's Miscellaneous Ramblings to my links. My Utopia helps me keep up with my House, M.D. fix among other things, and JMR has run into us Lutherans in droves already, as he indicates in this post.

Please also see the highly coveted, highly revered link to CLC Radio (Christ Lutheran Church Radio), where Mixmaster Scott is serving our church's bible studies and sermons as podcasts. The concept is in the beginning stages, so Mixmaster Scott and The Deacons will be working to improve sound quality as time and resources permit.

Enjoy!

The Broad, part II

Well, after 90 minutes on the phone with four different support reps on Sunday night, Earthlink today says my problem is "fixed". Interesting, because I've lost the connection at least three times in the last half hour, and they closed the helpdesk ticket without confirming with me first. Now, I get to call them back, learn what they "fixed", and remind them that they didn't actually fix anything at all.

Baby bro of Elegantly Wasted fame also does DSL setup work out in Hollyrock, USA. He's patiently tried to touch base with me for the last two days to help me do some self-diagnosis. Guess who I'm calling next?

And then AT&T right afterwards.

Then Earthlink. If I care by that time.

***Update, 22:05, August 22

I called baby bro, received new info, and decided to call earthlink next. While doing so, I finally got a connection during which I could download my e-mail. Here is an e-mail that earthlink sent to me this afternoon:

Dear "Quipper",

You contacted us recently concerning your EarthLink High Speed Internet access.
We have taken the necessary steps to resolve your issue and your service should
be fully restored. Your ticket will now be closed, however, if you are
continuing to experience an issue with the service, please contact us toll-free
at 1-866-794-4371 and reference Trouble Ticket # [xxxxxx]. We will be able to reopen your ticket within 2 weeks of the closing date.

Sincerely,

Ticketing Response Operations Network

This matches the voice mail I received from earthlink, probably around the same time.

20:15-21:00 Phone conversation with earthlink. Here is the crux of the conversation:

EL: So, the phone company says there is a problem.
Me: What problem, you closed the ticket.
EL: We closed it because you didn't call us back in two days.
Me: I received a message telling me to call your 800 line, so I could get an update on my ticket. I called, and the message said "we are still working with the phone company". I called twice over a 24 hour period. I received a second message telling me the ticket was closed. Why?
EL: Because you didn't call back after 3-4 attempts to reach you.
Me: I counted three - one for status, and two to tell me the ticket was closed.
EL: Oh. Well, we keep the ticket open for two weeks, and reopen it if you still have problems.
Me: Well, I still have problems. (I rant about the inadequacy of their helpdesk practices - both manual and system processes - and he proceeds to argue with me about how good they are. I remind him of the dialog we just had.)
EL: That's why you needed to call back. We needed you to tell us whether you still had the problem. (Translation: we were too lazy to check for ourselves before we closed the ticket. It costs too much money to confirm everyone's problem has been solved.)
Me: Then why did your messages say the problem was solved? Fix your helpdesk system.
EL: I will make a note of it. (He said this a lot.)
...
I find out that I am in range for viable DSL service, and that the "phone company" deemed there was a problem with the line. They couldn't say that on the e-mail or voice message, though.
...
EL: Okay, I've got the phone company on the line. They can send someone out tomorrow.
Me: Make it after 5:30pm, so I can be home and watch what the tech does, ask him questions, and make sure he gives me intelligent, detailed responses.
EL: Okay, let me confirm with the phone company...okay, they can't guarantee they can do that.
Me: Fine, they need to deliver me a full report - IN ENGLISH, NOT TECH-SPEAK, so I can review it.
EL: Okay, so you will have someone at home tomorrow when the tech arrives, right?
Me: (fuming) So you won't accommodate my schedule, but I have to accommodate yours? I don't think so. And if I don't understand the report, I'm calling them back at a time that is convenient for me. Did you happen to read the part of the ticket that says this is my last-ditch effort to remain with earthlink?
EL: That's not in the ticket.
Me: I only told that to four people on Sunday night. None of them put it in the ticket?
EL: No
Me: Well, I am stopping service by the end of this week if this isn't resolved to my satisfaction.
EL: Okay, we will have the tech response tomorrow. Call us so we can give you the answer.
Me: (double fuming) No. You will call me when you have a response. You will not make it my responsibility to follow up with you.

I'm not trying to manufacture traffic to my blog, but people who are considering earthlink as their broadband carrier should think twice. Feel free to route people to my post on the problem, or copy/paste the events and distribute as you'd like. Their service was spotless for over a year - not one call to their customer service department. In the last eight months, it's been increasingly worse.

&#*$^# !

Jilted by a Broad

Warning!!! Double entendre overload.








You remember your first time, don't you. The preconceived notions of how good it would be. Stories from friends. Husbands and wives blushing over their excitement at their own recollections. The smooth, the crazy, the joyful.

Then your time finally arrived. The anticipation, the tingling from head to toe. The craving, the desire, the almost supernatural ability to block out all distractions, and focus on making it to this biggest event at this time in your life, the one that would change things forever, come hell or high water. Nothing would top it. Even if it wasn't all that you had dreamed, life would still be better - more romantic, more passionate, more fulfilling - afterward.

Yes, that was my experience, too. And it was everything that I expected. And, man, oh, man, was life good afterwards.

At least for a while.

We had a marvelous relationship: me and the Broad. But she, a mature adult, decided to start acting like a ungrateful teenager. Oh, she still looked good, and could deliver the goods when she felt like it. But, she left my side at the most inconvenient times.

First, it was only during prime time - she loved the commercials at the top and bottom of the hour, and left me alone while she sat in front of the tube. Then, she forgot to come back after the commercials. It was almost as though she forgot her long-term commitment to me. Okay, so it was on a pay-as-you-go basis, not exactly the way long-term relationships are built, but it worked. I would stay faithful to her, if she would stay faithful to me.

I learned later that she started offering her wares - in different varieties - to willing suitors. Then she started offering them to me, like she did the others. Fulfilling these offers made her weak, unable to maintain the stamina she once had.

Then, it got worse. I had to start tricking her. Waking up hours before work, just to have five minutes of her time. Yes, I admit, it was a fix. I couldn't live without her. But, she started catching on. She'd sleep when I would awaken. She'd tease when I didn't want to be teased. She'd drive me mad!

Now, I don't know when I'll see her next. It could be tonight, for blissful, joyous hours on end. Or, it could be for 30 seconds every fifteen minutes, if at all.

I've spent hours with her personal counselors, who practice out of India of course. The hours on the phone for no benefit were disconcerting. The counselors just didn't understand the commitment. They told me to give her more affection - a new interface, per se - and it would do wonders for our relationship. They said I should lower my expectations of her. After all, she oversold herself to me, and I was giddy enough to fall for it. I even brought in my own mediator, but she wouldn't even talk to him. We just didn't connect. One of her counselors even told me that I was out of touch - out of her range, actually - although I never moved. Somehow, our communication degraded over time. The proximity was the same, but the distance had changed. Too bad, so sad.

So, as much as I would like to believe that it is me terminating this bad relationship, I know this Broad jilted me a long time ago. She has so many others already, and really doesn't care about me. Oh well, it's time to move on.




Wait a second! Just WHAT do you think I'm talking about?




I'm talking about my relationship with Broad B. Ahnd and her counseling crew, EarthLink.

The Broad, at least the one offered by Earthlink, will be replaced soon.

The Results Are In...

This will probably be my longest blog. Ever.

Thanks to those of you who took the test. Several folks commented to me off-post as well. The responses were good, but not what I expected in most cases. However, if I were to grade on the all-American "bell curve", I would say that one person got an 'A', one person who only gave a sarcastic reponse got a 'B' for being on the right track, and well, everyone else received a grade. :-p

Note that all three scenarios were true. Nothing was added to or removed from them. The fact that all three scenarios occurred, and specifically, how scenarios 2 and 3 were reported in the news, were my reason for creating the test.

In any event, here are the answers:

1. What is common in all three scenarios?

The answer to this one was easy to overlook, because we do it every day. MyUtopia hit it; Favorite Apron was close when she labeled, er, profiled, the "Dearbornistanians". The commonality? You profiled the people in all three scenarios, probably subconsciously. Note that this profiling really had nothing to do with the outcome of each scenario. I really didn't even need to provide any details about weapons, bags of ice, or flight rosters; I just needed to provide the characteristics of each person, and their location relative to their expected location. Also, any subsequent details relating to each story would have been irrelevant to the first question. By the time I described each person, you profiled them.

Why did you do this? Isn't that an awful, terrible thing? Aren't you a bigoted American if you do that?

It's common, it's appropriate, it's how you learn. You take an observation, compare it against
what you already know or believe, and classify it. If the observation matches your beliefs, it reinforces those beliefs. If it differs from your beliefs, then you retain that information as an exception. What you do with that exception is up to you. Gather enough exceptions, and you may challenge your own belief.

Regardless, you use what you already know to discern the information presented in your new observation. The descriptors I used in each scenario should have made it easy for you to profile each person.

I'm not offended that you profiled the person in scenario #1. For those of you who know me, it is me. And, no, I don't "hang" with Jeffrey Dahmer. :-)


2. Which scenario is not like the other two?

I regularly joke that I like to use my talents for good, and not for evil. So, using that theme - the talent: profiling; use: good or evil? - let's dissect the three scenarios.

1) White male, traditional conservative Christian. The bane of all problems in America; at least, to tolerance-loving America. Bible thumping, proselytizing, prudish, kill-anything-that-moves, flag-waving American. Nope, can't have that. Media and post-modern worldview: baaaaaad, very bad, the most evil class of person in existence.

2) Black male, wrong place, wrong time, wrong "implements". Guilty before proven guilty. But wait, we don't know his motive. He's just a poor, innocent malcontent, again in the wrong place at the wrong time. His family said he's never been a bad kid, so this is just an unfortunate circumstance. Media and post-modern worldview (if it were anyone other than Maurice Clarrett): give him a chance, he's misunderstood, and really wouldn't hurt anybody.

3) Arabs from Dearborn(istan), in rural Ohio, finding places to buy track phones and having dozens of flight rosters. They believe in the "religion of peace". Again, don't assume they are bad, just because they had all the right tools to wreak havoc within the U.S. We must try them through the U.S. courts, run through the legal process, and not offend anyone. Media and post-modern worldview: Again, circumstantial evidence, how dare we automatically
link these two off-beat nationals with all other jihad-inducing Muslims?

So, which one is not like the others? The white male, who is negatively profiled from a social perspective. However, he is not a risk to national or state security, and would more often than not, not think about hurting a fellow human being.

In the other two scenarios, though, we are asked, almost mandated, not to profile, but to grant the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, in both of these cases, the men are a risk to national security or the general welfare of their fellow man. They may not be guilty, but wouldn't you rather retain them and learn that before taking the risk that they were going to do something awful? Since I am a Project Manager, let me put on my PM hat: when did it become acceptable, in the course of events, to ignore risks and not work to eliminate them?

Conclusion: profiling is appropriate, when used appropriately.

• Two Arabs in a car, minding their own business, having no artifacts that could be used to propagate distruction? Leave them alone.
  
• Black man, making a u-turn at 3am may have committed a traffic violation, but no weapons in the car? Give him a citation, and, if he's not drunk or high, let him go.
  
• White man, flying under radar, except for all those 6' deep holes in his backyard?

Just kidding about that last one. :-)

When used to advance social causes, it is inappropriate; when used for national security, it is altogether appropriate.

Customer Service, American Style

This really happened to a co-worker within the past week. Enjoy!

I thought I would share with you my experience with the offer that is posted for Sprint outside the HR office. Last week during my lunch I signed on and ordered a new phone. Within hours I received a shipment confirmation and the next day they hit my credit card for the cost of the phone.

Well, yesterday I got a bill from Sprint for service on the phone that hasn't arrived yet, as well as the price of the phone! When I called Sprint I was informed that I should not have been charged until the phone is activated, but the phone is on backorder and it will be awhile before they can ship it - remember they sent me a shipment confirmation last week. Since I felt this was a pretty bad business model, I asked that they cancel the order, which they promptly did.

After canceling the order for the phone, they transferred me to a different department to cancel my service. At this time I was informed that they can't cancel my service until after I activate the phone. Activate the phone? I don't have a phone to activate, and they have already cancelled the order for the phone. I explained this to the CSR, who informed me that once the phone arrives I should take it to my local Sprint store to have it activated, at which time I can then call back and they'll send me a return kit.

OK, lets see if I have this straight... once the phone arrives, that never will because I cancelled the order, I should drive out of my way with the phone I don't have to a Sprint store so that they can activate it. Once they activate the non-existent phone, I should then call back to get a return kit so that I can send you back the phone I don't have. Once you receive the phone, you will cancel my service? Yes she replied - and then reminded me that if I don't return the phone within the 30 day money back period they will charge me the $200 early termination fee.

I'm thinking the 24% discount isn't worth it - but I could be wrong.

The Answer To The Questions

The questions are:

1) When is Running In Circles' next gig? and
2) Where?

It's tomorrow at the Boneyard in Mayfield Heights. The Boneyard is at the corner of Mayfield and Richmond roads, where the old (pick one) Mayfield Theatre, Barnes & Noble and DSW used to be.

We will start performing around 10:30pm (not the usual 10:00pm starting time - proprietor's request). We look forward to seeing everyone there.

Thanks,
Quipper/bassist

This is a test (but real, too)

Here are three scenarios that occurred over the last 2-3 days.

1) White male, upper 30s, confessional Lutheran, registered Republican but wanna-be Constitutionalist, living in a middle-class suburb in midwest America - buys two bags of ice from the corner gas station/mini-mart.

2) Black male athlete, lower 20s, residence unknown, born and raised in a lower-class neighborhood in northeastern Ohio - after making a u-turn at 3:00am around Columbus, OH, he is caught by police with an assault rifle, three or four handguns, an axe, and a bottle of vodka. When police try to taser him, he doesn't budge. Why? He's wearing a flak jacket.

3) Two Arab males, probably mid-20s to mid-30s (I don't remember), Muslim, from Dearborn, MI - during a routine traffic stop in Marietta, OH - a rural, southeastern Ohio town - they are caught with over 40 track phones, lists of flight rosters, and a map of all the WalMarts in the region.


Now, here's the two question test:

1) What is the commonality among all three scenarios?
2) Based on your answer to #1, which scenario is different from the other two, and why?

Your answers will be graded over the next week, and the teacher will publish the correct answers before August 22.

Prof. Quipper

Drive By Thoughts

Since I am the drive-by Quipper, here are some drive-by thoughts:

• We practiced yuppie survivalism today. (See this site for the real thing. Scott, you do us proud.) Our fridge gave out today - or yesterday night, but who really cares when it happened. We pulled out our coolers and tubs, filled them with ice, then with food. Survival, kind of like yuppie camping is downgrading from the Sheraton Suites to the Hampton Inn.

• While I cooked a dozen brats - of which nine ended up in one of the coolers - Mrs. Quipper and I engaged in extreme blog reading. I read over her shoulder, and she navigated. See, who says your professional talents can't be used at home? :-)

• Have you been watching Last Comic Standing? I believe the two finalists - Ty Barnett and Josh Blue - are the best two comics, based on laughs, belly laughs, and content. But, one question persists: if one loses, do their fans complain of bigotry or racism?

• And finaly, an instant classic by Des Moines Girl. So many good points, all done with humor.
  

Lock 'n Load

If you've read Mrs. Quipper's site, you learned that we took a mini-mini vacation to cleanse the palate this past weekend. The weekend refresher was a great opportunity to basically do nothing, and have a good time doing it.

Why the need for a refresher? After a decade and a half of relative success in I.T. - in technical, supervisory and project management roles - I ran into an immovable obstacle, and learned more about my strengths and weaknesses in the past six months than I did the whole previous time in my career.

I started a new job with a previous employer today. Thankfully, I was received with open arms, and hit the ground running. It will be difficult for me to put the best construction on the events that occurred at my last job, so I am telling everyone to wait until I write the tell-all book that will never be written.

What Did She Just Say?

The Quipper family went to a restaurant after church on Sunday, and the waitress said the oddest thing:

"If you need anything, my name is Gina, and I'll be serving you. Just call me and let me know."

I'm a tech-head, computer programming-type. My thoughts follow logical paths (most of the time, anyway). So, my question is: what's her name if I don't need anything?

It's just as good as, "well, if I don't see you again beforehand, then have a good vacation." What am I supposed to make of THAT?!?

The Most Bestest Breakfast Ever

I must agree with the narrator about the appropriateness of the breakfast selection.

Truth In Advertising

Church marquees I'd like to see:

• "It would be nice to have your soul, but we'll settle for your money"
• "Half of the sincerity, and none of the comfort"
• "We dilute the gospel to keep you in attendance"
• "We don't wear vestments, we wear sheep's clothing"
• "We don't need no stinkin creeds"

and, drum roll please:

• "We don't believe in preaching about sin"

Any to add???

Measuring Sticks

How do you measure success? It probably depends on the vocation.

I am in the process of leaving a job where "success" was attained if you lasted longer than your predecessor. This is not a good measuring stick, no better than someone saying they hope their new marriage lasts longer than their last one.

I am grateful that I don't have to measure "success" in my faith. I don't check whether I gave enough in the offering plate, whether I serve on enough committees, or whether I checked off the box that says I read my devotion for the day. I don't notch my Bible (or click on websites) - like some people notch their bedpost - when I'm "touching" people.

Eeew, I said "touch".

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He paid the price once and for all - for me, of all people. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Lighter Fare (Fun, Too!)

"I wanna put on
my, my, my, my, my boogie shoes"
Boogie Shoes, KC and the Sunshine Band

Yes, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Running in Circles is playing at the Boneyard in Broadview Hts. this Saturday. For those of you unfamiliar with us, we are an 80s, 90s, and today rock/pop/dance band. (Okay, so we have a handful of 70s songs, too.) We'd love to see you at the Boneyard. The food is good, and the music is great!!!

What might you hear?
A little Killers
Some Franz Ferdinand
A dose of Go Gos
Retro punk from the Ramones
A bit of B52s
Some olde Modern English
A hit of The Knack
We might even pull out Play That Funky Music, Let's Get It Stared and Jungle Boogie. Who knows???

We will start around 10:00pm. The Boneyard is located at the corner of Royalton Rd. and Broadview Rd.

See you there!

This Just In...A Very Special PSA For You

The non-profit organization Devoted Americans with Maternal Notions wants to make everyone in Amerikka aware of a very serious addiction that is just starting to affwict many voters, er, Amerikkans. This disease is called Bloggers Overdose. Primarily, it affwicts politically conservative bloggers and blog readers.

We, at D.A.M.N., are starting a call to arms (not the 2nd amendment type, that would be awful) to warn everyone about this very serious disease. Warning signs are:

• Dissatisfaction with public skouls
• Hatred of NYT editors
• Reduced viewership of all news programs not sponsored by FOX (gosh, how we hated writing this bullet)

Before this becomes a national epidemic, D.A.M.N. recommends that the government begin a national awareness program, and start levying fines on any conservative blog garnering more than one hit per day. We believe that, by doing so, we can eliminate the conservative bloggers - oops, we mean eliminate the problem - or gain enough in fines to fund the Democratic Party without the assistance of MoveOff.orq.

As always, we are only concerned with your well being.

Thank you.

"How Will Things Be?"

Several years ago, I wrote a song in a moment (okay, several days) of introspection, brought on by a number of things:

• the Engineer having poked me in the eye, causing me to wear an eye patch for a week and lose my peripheral vision
• remembering a financial analyst talk about having people practice being older - putting on opaque glasses, implements to make the surface area of their fingers and thumbs bigger, etc. - so they learn how difficult things will get
• the start of discussions about the evils of contemporary worship (or, as Mrs. Quipper calls it, "disposable worship")

It is called "How Will Things Be?" I decided to post this based on a variety of posts and comments I've read on blogs over the last couple of days. (Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A HYMN - so don't tell me it doesn't accomplish the 4, 5, or 6 things a good Lutheran Hymn should accomplish. Thank you, I had to get that out of my system.)

How Will Things Be?

I’m sorry, can you please repeat
Those words you last said to me,
My attention was taken away.
Didn’t mean to ignore you,
My concentration is not what it used to
Be in my younger days.

Never thought we’d see this day,
Life was simple way back then,
I remember way back in
Those days I was a younger man
Acting like I was invincible,
Trying to delay the inevitable, and

Refrain:
How will things be when it’s just you and me,
And all that we have are the hymns and the creeds of our youth.
When the lights start to dim and the memory fades,
Will we hang onto our lives or keep faith in the Word?

I’m sorry but this cannot be
How’d my eyes fail to see
What you had given to me?
It all used to be so clear
Now I can’t see anything far or near.
How do I get through the day?

Words are failing me again.
Always on the tip of my tongue,
But now I cannot find a one
To say what’s on my mind today.
Forgetting all the things I want to say, and
All the friends I’ve had along the way, and

Refrain

I’m sorry that it ends like this,
So many things that we’ll miss
When we are called back home.
This should be a joyous day
I don’t know if I’ll be okay
Can I make it on my own?

I wish you were by my side.
But I cannot change a thing
But, my love, I still believe
That I will be with you again
One day soon, in paradise, be-
Cause the scales had fallen from my eyes

Refrain

How Old Are You Now?

This beginning of the second verse of "Happy Birthday" struck me this evening, after I finally recovered from a raucous afternoon of H.O.R.S.E. and P.I.G. at the Homestead Lutheran Academy compound with friends on Saturday afternoon.

My body just can't do the things it used to do. But, with the basketball hoop brought down to 7.5 feet (down 2.5 feet from regulation), it sure was fun to try. :-)

Thanks to all our friends who are "getting old" with us. A toast, with deep heating rub, for everybody!

Culling the Herd

Groups, organizations, and "things" that I think should be thinned...you know, made to experience the losing side of Darwin's "survival of the fittest":

• Rinos. No, not Rhinos, but R.I.N.O.s (Republicans In Name Only).
• Major league steroid users
• The anti-gun crowd
• The euthanasia crowd. I've always been partial to the youth in Europe.
  
• Treason sympathizers - did you hear that, NYT?
  
• Teletubbies and Boobahs
• Any show starring an actor or actress from Seinfeld or Friends
• All 'Big Brother' type shows
• Anything dealing with Willie Wonka or freaky characters in Highlights (including the Michael-Jackson-wannabe Willie Wonka played by Johnny Depp - ick!).
• The Wiggles
• NOW, GLAAD, and any other gender pseudo-rights group out there
• Wolves in sheep's clothing in the LCMS. Just say "closed communion", and they will identify themselves. It's probably the easiest baiting mechanism in the recorded history of hunting.
  
• The global warming intelligensia
• Any Monty Python move that is not 'Holy Grail' or 'Life of Brian'
• Saturday Night Live after Phil Hartman
  
• Any movie starring Rob Schneider
  
• Anyone who thinks Julia Roberts is a good actress. Heck, throw in Hollywood, too.
• Anchovies, brussell sprouts, and chicken livers, just for good measure (sorry, hon).
• Earthlink (I lost my connection five times while trying to post this. Change that, six times. Seven. Eight. IX. X. Grrr!)

Your goal - identify the most creative baiting method for each group. Winners will not be added to the culling list. Just kidding, they will be added. Actually, no one responding will be added. And, no, that doesn't mean that non-respondents will be added. (I better stop before I get into trouble.)

Party "Crashers"

Our band, Running In Circles, was asked to play a friend's family reunion/neighborhood party yesterday. It's always good to get paid to practice. :-)

We had a good time, were told to eat a lot (lots of eastern European heritage in the household), and sounded really good. The host and the band received a good number of compliments from the party-goers. The highlight came when the host told us one of the comments from his guests was, "wow, we didn't know you had a really good band playing today!"

I guess expectations were low. lol!

Where Did Saturday Go?

Happy Independence Day everyone.

I don't know about you, but my work schedule makes this day seem weird. Yesterday, at work, felt like a Friday. Today, knowing I'm going to work tomorrow, feels like a Sunday. So, where did Saturday go?

(I can always use another Saturday.)

Peer Pressure Christianity

Is it that art reflects reality, or reality reflects art? I think a more relevant question is: does Christianity reflect the times, or do the times reflect Christianity?

Unfortunately, I believe Christianity reflects the times. As a former network marketer (we still use and like the products), a key concept I was taught was "community" - the bigger and tighter knit the community, the more loyalty between business associates, less communicated doubt about business practices and motive, and lower inclination to leave for fear of losing touch with friends. Okay, no problem for business, even though it does lead to groupthink.

Let's move now to church growth. What is the main point behind most congregational activities? Building community, that's what! Why? Because, once you "belong", you'll start to feel a loyalty to the group, and have more inclination to stay affiliated with them; or conversely, less inclination to leave. The problem with this in Christianity is twofold:

1) It sets up loyalty based on persons and earthly affiliations, not on Christian reasons for affiliation.
2) It sets the stage for personality-based leadership, a.k.a. cult of personality, among the leaders of the religious movement. No matter what the leaders say, the followers will blindly follow.

This is not a belief in Christ, or what Christ has done for us. Rather, this builds a peer pressure among the group to remain together, and not question the beliefs. So you have "Christianity" based on community and common likes and dislikes. It is a great motive for building numbers, but a poor motive for proclaiming the Gospel.

So, Christianity - which should be never-changing - reflects the times. Ugh!

For the love of the game

For all the love we have in our household, Mrs. Homestead Lutheran Academy and I are moving in very opposite directions in one area: pro baseball.

I was the kid who had scrapbooks of Duane Kuiper, Rick Manning and Dennis Eckersley when I was 5 years old, and snuck the transistor radio into bed to listen to the ballgames. (I was doing just that when Pete Franklin announced the Browns/Kosar coup leading up to the supplemental draft, too.)

I was the kid who played at all city league levels until I had to stop playing, and had to start working.

I was the "kid" who would explain to Mrs. HLA what the infield fly rule was, what a balk was, and when/why you would bunt.

Last season, that started to change. Mrs. HLA was then telling me when pitchers and catchers would report to spring training - which I never knew - and had it marked on the family calendar. This year, she also had the first spring training game on the calendar, and was excited about it for weeks.

Listening to games is easy for us. We are a "radio" family as opposed to a "TV" family, and the Tribe's radio announcers, especially Tom Hamilton, are second to none. They keep the game entertaining even in blowouts, and can often keep us in stitches with their stories and sense of humor.

Somehow, this season, the Tribe games became white noise for me, even when they had their good start. When we attended their first "I give up" game against the White Sox on Memorial Day, my interest waned further. I think they lost me in earnest during CC Sabathia's "I give up" game a week ago. This is not just America's pasttime, but had been my pasttime since I was 5 years old. Now, it's another entertainment option, while the Cavs and Browns are holding my interest more, even when they don't win. I still enjoy listening to a ballgame, and like Travis Hafner (a.k.a. Pronk) and Grady Sizemore; but outside of them, though, I don't find myself actively rooting for the home team any more.

Bummer.